Girls are mean!

"Girls are mean!"

How many of us were told this when we were growing up? I know I was. This topic is one that is really close to me, as a mum of a young girl & another on the way and someone who was bullied as well as, and I'm ashamed to admit, a bully.

I was never physical and I never went out of my way to be mean to anyone; but when my group of friends (especially the "Queen Bee"... every group has one) decided not to talk to someone, i joined in. I didn't do this as I had a personal grudge against that person, and majority of the time I didn't know why that person was being ignored or ostracised, I was just relieved it wasn't me. Writing this now I am so ashamed of my actions and I would love to go back to myself then and give myself a bitch slap and remind me that I am an individual and can like and talk to whoever the hell I wish, but I was weak. (If I'm being completely honest, I would also go back and tell myself that I ain't no posh spice so maybe rethink the short spiky hair with fringe!!!) 

I feel this weakness was a result of me being bullied. I was torn to shreds, daily, for my appearance and those comments, jokes, whispers and bitchy looks, affected me more than any punch or kick every could. Even today at 35, I can still remember every name I was ever called; proving that sticks and stones scars can heal but those inflicted by words take much longer.

So now we get onto the point of this blog, my 5 year old daughter, Sienna.

Sienna is a strong willed, vibrant, hilarious and stubborn creature that is a law unto herself. She is opinionated and confident and more courageous than I am now! But recently, I received an email from her teacher to come and discuss her behaviour.. "girl issues".

("You're not my best friend "..."you can't play"... etc) 

As soon as I got the email, I was on it! Book downloaded, websites found and acitivities created to help Sienna be a better friend. 

I feel that sometimes this problem is viewed as normal for her age group as kids are just discovering their identities and finding their way in the world but how do we ensure they are inclusive and not exclusive? How do we encourage them to embrace everyone, be kind and empathetic and treat others they wish to be treated? 

There have been moments when I have caught my 5 year old giving someone a look, that I swear could crush an adult's soul! Where does she learn this? It kills me when she does it as I know how sweet and wonderful she is and I'm tempted to run to the person and explain that my wee girl is not a bitch, she's maybe just tired or grumpy because she didn't get her own way, she's too hot, it's raining outside, it's windy, it's a full moon or perhaps she's in a bad way as the day ends in the letter Y, I don't know!

Being a woman, I feel it's our duty to promote sisterhood and support each other; but unfortunately we don't. So many times, a woman has reduced me to a self conscious mess by a comment or a look. Why is this ok?  Why do women feel it's ok to be bitches?! Everything is not a competition, so why do we always feel we are striving?

We were in Hua Hin at the weekend and I was looking over at Sienna who was deep in thought. And then it hit me! 

"Sienna, what are you doing?"... "I'm copying mama, I like to copy, I'm good at it!" 

She was talking about the drawings she was doing but I knew deep down, this was the answer. I need to lead by example, I need to show her how amazing the bonds between women can be and how fabulous it is to be a good friend.

I truly believe that it takes a community to bring up a child & I urge all my girlfriends, around the world, to help me. Help me show Sienna (& bump) how supportive we are of one another and proud of each other. We need her to understand that smiling at a stranger, complimenting someone on a nice dress or hair cut is a wonderful thing to do and costs nothing. But let's go deeper, show others you care through your actions, think before you speak, don't bitch behind your friend's back (what is that telling our children?! And let's be honest, we all do it)

I strive to no longer emphasise the external beauty of celebrities (I do that a lot! Comments like, "she is stunning, what a bitch! aren't helpful! ) So I hope to promote the creative women for their creativity, the courageous women for their courage and the strong women out there for their strength to go against the norm; as well as compliment Jenna Dewan or her phenomenal derrière or Jessica Alba's flawless skin.

So, yes, girls can be mean but so can boys, everyone can be mean and this is where I think I need to start. By thinking more before I speak and act, hopefully I will set a positive example for my kids so they will try and make a difference.

I love how this blog has made me go from identifying an issue with my daughter and striving to find the answer to help her, to actually realise that I am part of the problem but now I hope to be part of the solution. Mummy guilt strikes again!!!

Love,
Kay