Fucuphobia



Last night I was rummaging through my make up bag when I realised that my favourite concealer (and the only one that I think covers my Mexican moustached fighter melasma) was finished!!! Noooooo!! This could mean only one thing, I have to go make up shopping.
For many women, the concept of spending hours looking at the make up counters of their local department store & trying new make up, would bring great joy. For me, not so much. I am terrified of make up counters and more specifically, the staff that work behind them.
I actually googled my phobia and it has a name.. "Fucuphobia". Now I'm guessing this is a very tongue in cheek term but I like it and I'm gonna use it!! 

I am well aware my Fucuphobia sounds ridiculous but nothing makes me cringe more than standing in front of a stunningly made up beauty asking for help on how to make me look and feel less like an old shoe. 
As I approach, I can tell they are judging, as I look through the products, they can sense I haven't got a clue,  they begin to lurk... watching their prey and then they pounce! 
I am a sucker and can't say no. I have tried for years but always fall for the promises of flawless skin and kardashian-esque contouring. 
I explain what I'm looking for and look at them all dewy eyed, hoping they have the miracle product that will create the filtered, perfect look I see so much on FB.
"Would you like to try?"... they have me in their sights and as I sit on the chair, I know I'm fucked! I'm British, I can't leave this counter without buying something now, I'll feel rude.
So my hair is then scraped off my face (do they not know i spent way too long making my hair this straight this morning?!) and then they begin to remove the foundation that is already attempting to disguise the secrets beneath.
Why are the lights always so bloody bright at this counter?? And why are the mirrors so magnifying?? And is that a spot?! Is it rude to want to just pop it whilst I'm here?! Anyway...
They then begin to shovel the orange liquid to my face.. have I always had a moustache??? Was that wrinkle always so obvious with my usual foundation?  The colour is wrong and I know the consistency is wrong but how do I escape?!?! Supposedly it photographs well and the colour is perfect but I look like a cross between a really nasty drag queen and The Joker!


"How about a new lip colour or perhaps eyebrow pencil?"

This can only get better I tell myself so I decide to stick it out... the red lipstick which makes me look like a cheap hooker is applied and then 2 thickly edged caterpillars are introduced to the area above my eyes; apparently my current eyebrows are way too small as they don't cover half of my face!?

And voila!!!!! I look ridiculous, I feel ridiculous and what do I do, I feel like I need to purchase something... but I try the next best thing. "Can I have a sample to take home?"
The look of disgust on his/her face is undeniable.. It's like I've just taken a crap on their beautifully polished counter!  
The fake, yet perfectly lipsticked smile emerges and I'm told, "We don't do samples!"   
This is where I usually find I get myself in a complete tizz... do I slowly slink off the chair and escape the counter staff's perfectly manicured clutches to freedom or do I buy something?? Before we moved to Thailand, I would have bought something.. 99% of the time. Now I'm better at saying, "I'll think about it" and then run away, remembering to avoid that counter and the eyes of the staff for the next few weeks at least (ah the shame!! 😂)

One day I will find the mythical counter of make up perfection where the counter staff make me feel confident in their products and I leave feeling hopeful and looking youthful and flawless... I think it's probably next to the unicorn counter!

So for the moment, I will continue to use my foundation that I accidentally purchased not seeing that it indicates it's only for Japanese skin (as I just can't face hours of testers and colour matching), continue to use the eyeshadow palette I bought 3 years ago and complain that I need new make up but do nothing about it. My name is Kay Ashton and I am officially a Fucuphobe! 

If you have any make up recommendations, PM me, let's share the love!
Wishing you a wonderful weekend,
Love
Kay x

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