Goodbye, Facebook!

Value yourself and the a**holes

So it has  been 3 months since I wrote a blog entry. Have I lost interest in writing? Has my life been that uneventful? 

Nope, I’ve been mummying, mummying hard! I have been Mary Poppinsing the hell out of summer holidays. Day trips, play dates, arts and crafts, boom!!

The kids are back at school now and I’ve been thinking about what to write and then it happened. Someone said something to me and it completely floored me. Now I’m not going to say what was said or by whom, but someone hurt me so deeply within a few seconds with one throw away comment. I’m writing this today not because of the comment, but because of what it’s made me do. It’s made me completely reevaluate how I view things.

I ain’t the sharpest tool in the shed and it has taken me to the age of 36 to come to the realization that I can’t change people or their thoughts or what they say and do, but I can choose how to respond, I can choose what to do with that and most importantly, I can choose not to torture myself! 

As I write this, I’m rolling my eyes and mocking myself as I have always known this but it’s only now that the proverbial penny has dropped. I finally get it. 

How often have you sat with a friend and completely unloaded all the rubbish going on in your head; all the problems, thoughts and general craziness that goes on up there? And as soon as you do it, you feel better but I bet you any money you then apologize. You apologize for “moaning” or “whining” or for just generally sharing your unhappiness, grumps or sadness.  Friends are here for these moments and I’m so fortunate to have people to vent to. 

But what happens the rest of the time?? That voice is still ticking over in my head, still going over what was said, what I should have said, why did that happen to me, how it made me feel, what I should do next... I can’t apologize to myself and I can’t escape it so instead I have decided to take a stand! 

Why do I torture myself?? Why do I go over things again and again?? No one can hear my thoughts, no one knows what goes on up there (thank god!) . It is only when I choose to share my thoughts that change can occur. 

Or so I thought. 

When I share, I usually am doing so to try and find solutions or to find solice. What if I choose instead to take ownership of myself and in doing so, take ownership for my own happiness? 

So, here is what I’m going to try and do:

1: Stop worrying about what others think 

I need to stop internalizing everything!! The world does not revolve around me (ooh that hurts to say!)So that person that keeps interrupting me, why do I automatically think it’s because they think what I have to say is worthless? Why does it have to be about me? Flip it, make it about them... don’t judge, just accept its what they do and choose to deal with it. 

2: Stop valuing my worth on the opinions of others

This is hard. I worry too much about what others think and that’s not a bad thing but I need to stop allowing their opinions about me, to dictate my worth and how I feel.

3: Accept more!

I can’t change people and why should I think I can?? We are all individuals and have our own unique backgrounds, quirks and idiosyncrasies. I need to embrace this more. I will try my best to accept that some people are just a**holes! They don’t mean to be a**holes, I’m sure they don’t set out to be a**holes when they leave the house in the morning, but they are and I have to learn to deal with it. How I deal with their actions and words will only ever impact on me and my relationships and interactions with others. I need to understand that I can’t control what happens to me or what is said, but I can control what I do about it. 

4: Don’t accept too much!

Ok so let’s find a balance between points 3&4! I won’t try and change people and I’ll accept them for who they are but I won’t accept meanness or ugliness. If you ain’t got nothing nice to say, say nothing at all! 

5: Ensure my kids see this and I keep to it!!

Be a role model for the munchkins. Show them that yes, I am human and overthink things and allow myself to get upset but I can choose what I do about it. Be open about what’s going on in that beautiful mind of mine and how it’s a scary place up there if I let it be. 

My kids are always coming home and telling me about people being mean and in the future, after I’ve asked how they are, I need to ask them what they are going to do about it... they may not know, and that’s completely fine,  I need to help them realize that they have ownership of what they do with the situation. 

So in conclusion. People can be a**holes. People can be wonderful. People can say things that make your day and make you smile and they can rip your insides out your butt and stomp on your head when you least expect it. 

I need to stop internalizing everything and give that overworked brain of mine a rest.  I need to remember to be authentic, be myself and be honest. Take care of myself, love myself and be kind to myself. 

Wishing you all a wonderful week ahead, filled with tolerance, laughter and hopefully no a**holes..

Love,

Kay