Good morning, Cruella!

Do you ever have one of the mornings where all you do is play referee to your kids?? They bicker like bloody cat and dog and you get to the point where you know that if they don't stop within the next 3.5 seconds, the crazy bitch inside (the one you are surpressing) is going to escape and you're going to go insane on their asses!! I try so hard to maintain my Mary Poppins exterior and breathe and remain calm but sometimes, these genius manipulators push my buttons and Cruella Devil comes out to play!!

It is 7.08am and we are almost at school. Let me fill you in with current debates that have occurred:

1: It's picture day at school today and my daughter has pulled her hair out of the ponytail I have done it in 4 times... in most of her daily school pics she looks like a cross between Moglie from The Jungle Book and a bad Donald Trump impersonator! She has the most gorgeous face and when her hair is up, her eyes sparkle and just trying to capture this for one school pic shouldn't be asking too much...is it?!

Mary  Poppins Reaction: "You look so beautiful! Let's keep your hair like this until after the picture..." the whole time reminding myself to stay calm and breathe. It's 6.15, let's keep it breezy.. She then removes the head band and flicks her fringe to the side, In a Donald Trumpesque/ comb over manner..

Cruella DeVil's Reaction: "If you don't leave your hair alone, I swear I will cut it off!!"  I see the defeat and sheer horror in her eyes, she knows she has unleashed the internal beast.. uh oh!

Irrational? Yes. Required? Most definitely

2: In car entertainment:

We use this opportunity to hear our son's reading. Our morning commute can take anything from 10-60mins so it's always nice to use the time productively.  Sienna wants to sing throughout the reading..

Mary Poppins Reaction: "Ok, Sienna, you can sing when Jacob is finished!" (Repeated 8 times)

Cruella DeVil Reaction: "Why? why?? Why?? You know we are listening to his reading and you are frustrating him. How about you sing after he's finished?? Or I'll make us all sit in silence?!"

Irrational: Nah, could have been worse. Required: Yes

3: Both kids now want to sing but they can't sing the same song at the same song, has to be separate apparently and they only want to sing when the other is singing as they know it pisses them off..

Mary Poppins Reaction:"You both sing so beautifully. Let's try and sing together".. After this fails miserably..

Cruella DeVil Reaction: "Right!! Jacob, sing! Now stop, Sienna, sing. Now stop. Now no one sing. No more singing in this car. Actually, no more singing ever!! Maybe you should go live in a monestary, you can't talk there! Take a vow of silence! I might go!"

Irrational? Probably. Required? For the sake of my sanity, yes

4: Jacob looks at Sienna. Sienna begins to scream that he's staring at her and he insists he's looking out of the window.

Mary Poppins Reaction: "Sienna it's fine, he's just looking outside, don't worry and if he is looking at you, it's just because you are so pretty!"

Cruella DeVil Reaction:"Seriously, if you don't stop this, I'm jumping out at the next red light and you can fend for yourself the rest of the bloody day!! Jacob, stop being such a pain! You are staring at your sister!! Sienna, stop being such a whiner!!"

Irrational: No! I am 8 months pregnant and I was genuinely considering jumping out of the car.

 Required? Yes, kids sometimes need to know that their actions make their parents seriously contemplate jumping out of a moving vehicle! 

5: Kids argue about who gets out of the car first. There is a power struggle in the backseat and some pushing.

Mary Poppins Reaction: "It's ok, lets all get out carefully and we'll walk into school together"

Cruella DeVil Reaction: "Screw you guys, I'm out of here!!!" (Ok, so perhaps I didn't say this but it was definitely considered!) 

So that was my morning, well the first 2 hours of it anyway. I am now emotionally drained, feel like a bad mother for threatening to abandon my children, shave their heads and send them to a Buddhist monestery where I would ensure they took a vow of silence! This day will not be a bad day, I'm gonna pick myself up, have a ridiculously calorific hot chocolate, make tonight's dinner (filled with organic vegetables and love) and prepare for the insanity to begin again at home time.

Wishing all you fellow Cruellas out there a wonderful day!

Love

Kay