Choose love

Sometimes you can plan and prepare everything and be in the best mood and life takes a big old dump on you!! Something unexpected happens, someone says something, it can be anything; something happens to you and suddenly your day is a shit tip! 

This happened to me this morning. I woke up later than usual as the baby was unsettled in the night and the house was chaos! Just as my husband was getting our son into the car, my daughter walked into my room with her pyjamas on in tears, “I can’t find my other sock!!”... and so it begins...

So my poor husband was juggling the morning routine today of getting the kids up, fed and dressed as well as getting himself ready for the office and I knew in that moment that Sienna’s sock was going to bring the house down! 

He’s screaming as they are going to be late, Sienna is literally running around in circles (one sockless foot was obviously knocking her off balance!?!) and the baby is throwing up all over me.

This is where it hits me, I have a choice. It’s not even 7am and already it’s been a crap day for at least 2 members of the family and a bad mood in the morning is contagious and I can’t  have this passed around.

1: Do I scream and throw my 5 year old in the car?? (She is still running round in a circle?!
Seriously child, did someone drop you or is that sock so heavy that gravity is forcing you to that one movement!?)

2: Do I run for the hills? (There are no hills in Bangkok but there are tall buildings, tall buildings with bars on the top, tall buildings with bars on the top with a relaxing cocktail waiting for me!)

3: Do I choose to turn this around?  This is by far the most challenging. How do I get myself out of this pending crappy mood/day and infect that positivity to the rest of my clan?!

I go with option 3. Tell my husband to take our oldest to school and I would take our youngest (and now slightly dizzy) child to school after.

This all sounds so zen and peaceful and wonderful but trust me, it was bloody hard to centre myself and stop the crazy bitch inside from screaming about the bloody sock or the fact that my husband hadn’t said goodbye before leaving. 

And then I read about another shooting in a school in the US.( Firstly, I’m not going to make this a political rant as that’s pointless and I’m in a good mood so I’m not going to ruin it by talking about gun control or political leaders. )

There are parents, right now, grieving the loss of their babies. They sent them to school as usual, a normal day and now they’re gone. Brutally snatched away by a senseless and incredibly avoidable crime.. 

 Maybe some of them had a shit storm morning too! Maybe some of them drove off without a kiss and saying I love you as they were going to be late for a meeting, maybe some of them had a screaming match with their child over a lost sock or them refusing to eat their breakfast or for not taking out the trash. 

Writing these words makes me cry. Genuinely, the thought of my last encounter with my kids being a negative one is almost too much to comprehend. I am very fortunate I currently live in a country where the threat of a person walking into my kids school with a gun is almost non existent but there are other risks, accidents happen everyday and I want my kids and I to always leave one another knowing exactly how much we love each other.

My daughter and I ran to class instead of walking, not because we had to but because it was fun. I gave her 3 extra kisses at the school gate ; not because I had to but because I wanted to embarrass her in front of her friends (this is what loving Parents do, right?!). And I know tonight, when I’m shattered and in desperate need of chocolate, I will sneak up to their bedroom and give them one extra kiss, just because I can. 

I don’t for one second think I will manage this everyday, I love to think I could but I’m human, I’m flawed and I will fail. Instead, I promise to ensure my kids, family and friends know that I love them.. and when I do choose options 1 or 2 in the future, I’ll be sure to scream, “I love you” before I escape for the “hills”.

Wishing you a weekend filled with love, laughter & making memories.

Love,

Kay x