Love, Kay

I love Christmas and my kids birthdays, they are  by far my favourite times of the year. But every year, the same question gets me, “what are the kids into just now? What toy do they want?”   Now, please please please please don’t think I’m being ungrateful or just a real grumpy bitch, they have been given some very thoughtful things in the past and I appreciate that people see things and love to buy them for our kids... but the time has come to say it loud and say it proud.. our kids need no more toys! When we had our first child, we bought him all the baby sensory toys we could find and everywhere we went we would buy something to commemorate our trip; a small memento to remind us  of that moment in time when he experienced something for the first time & we did as parents. Then we had our daughter and ofcourse she needed all the pink toys we could get our hands on as well as every Disney princess knickknack from the tea sets to the transvestite looking Bel...

The last 8 weeks have gone by so quickly and I can barely believe that we are surviving as a family of 5 and we’re all still smiling, semi sane and alive!! It is 9.15am, I’ve just managed to get Bailey to sleep in her bouncy chair and I’m enjoying a hot... yes a hot cup of coffee & i’m reflecting on how different this experience has been to our first born. I think if I compare first and third, I need to start at the beginning... the pregnancy! If you’ve read any of my previous blogs you’ll know I was miserable whilst pregnant! Haemorrhoids, morning sickness, acne, sleepless nights and crippling mummy guilt; so I truly was a delight!  Pregnancy I think one of the main differences was the amount of googling I did during my first pregnancy.  1: With Jacob, I googled everything!! And I mean everything.. what should I eat, what shouldn’t I eat, what can I do, what can’t I do, I knew every week what the baby was doing in there and how he was developing. ...

“No baby yet??” “Where is that baby?” “No sign of the new arrival yet??” “Oh someone must be comfortable, you still haven’t had the baby??” Yes! Yes! I have had the baby and the huge bump is actually a basketball that I stole from the shop, I’m trying to be sneaky!!! NO!!! I haven’t had the baby yet!!  6,720 hours/ 280 days/ 40 weeks Whichever way you look at it, pregnancy is LONG!! But I’m pretty sure the final month actually lasts 6,720 hours/280 days/ 40 weeks alone!  Both of my previous pregnancies lasted 40 weeks + 4 days and this one (our last, May I add!) was looking like it was going to be a very different story... preterm labour was suspected in week 32, medicines were prescribed, bed rest was enforced and here I am.. approaching our due date + and still no baby! Now don’t get me wrong, I know cooking time is 40weeks so we still have time but I’m done!! Nightly Braxton Hicks, walking like I have shit my pants, no longer being able to sit up or sit d...

Dear Monkey on my back, The urban dictionary defines “mom guilt” as “guilt a mother feels anytime she takes time to do something for herself, outside of work, that does not involve her children” Hahahahahahahahaha!! This was either A: written by a man (sorry guys) or B: a bloody comedian, because this is just the tip of guilt iceberg! Mummy guilt has become the “monkey on my back”, a constant in my life since the day my son was born 7 years ago. Then it was guilt about breast feeding (have I done it for too long? Should I have done it for longer?) Did I introduce the “right” foods at the right time? At every baby  class I worried why my child wasn’t rolling over yet? Sitting unaided? Crawling? Walking? I feel bad for not talking him to baby massage class! Would sign language classes developed his brain into that of a future genius? I never opened that baby Einstein DVD, will he be the thick kid in class now?! Was I wrong to let him eat that worm in the garden just to p...

Last night I was rummaging through my make up bag when I realised that my favourite concealer (and the only one that I think covers my Mexican moustached fighter melasma) was finished!!! Noooooo!! This could mean only one thing, I have to go make up shopping. For many women, the concept of spending hours looking at the make up counters of their local department store & trying new make up, would bring great joy. For me, not so much. I am terrified of make up counters and more specifically, the staff that work behind them. I actually googled my phobia and it has a name.. "Fucuphobia". Now I'm guessing this is a very tongue in cheek term but I like it and I'm gonna use it!!  I am well aware my Fucuphobia sounds ridiculous but nothing makes me cringe more than standing in front of a stunningly made up beauty asking for help on how to make me look and feel less like an old shoe.  As I approach, I can tell they are judging, as I look through the products...

Do you ever have one of the mornings where all you do is play referee to your kids?? They bicker like bloody cat and dog and you get to the point where you know that if they don't stop within the next 3.5 seconds, the crazy bitch inside (the one you are surpressing) is going to escape and you're going to go insane on their asses!! I try so hard to maintain my Mary Poppins exterior and breathe and remain calm but sometimes, these genius manipulators push my buttons and Cruella Devil comes out to play!! It is 7.08am and we are almost at school. Let me fill you in with current debates that have occurred: 1: It's picture day at school today and my daughter has pulled her hair out of the ponytail I have done it in 4 times... in most of her daily school pics she looks like a cross between Moglie from The Jungle Book and a bad Donald Trump impersonator! She has the most gorgeous face and when her hair is up, her eyes sparkle and just trying to capture this for one scho...

I truly feel like my little girl got a glimpse of how beautiful female friendships can be, this past Sunday. Some of my wonderful friends in Bangkok, decided to throw me a surprise baby shower. This is no easy task when you are organising a surprise event with a mixture of women whom have multiple mummy obligations, visitors staying from around the world, work trips, possible hangovers and all for a woman who has just come off surprise bed rest.. I'm sure they were concerned that perhaps the surprise could result in a surprise gush of water hence the reason my legs are crossed in most of the pictures!  Walking into the room to see all those smiley faces and to see all the effort they had put in to make the afternoon special was just amazing. I am known to be a crier and when you add a ridiculous amount of hormones and the relief from being off bedrest; ugly tears begin. When I first moved here, I told my husband that I wasn't here to make friends; I have lovely friends ...